(http://www.bettybowers.com/homoagenda.html)
The Homosexual Agenda
8:00 a.m. Wake up. Wonder where you are.
8:01 a.m. Realize you are lying on 100 percent cotton sheets of at least a 300 count, so don’t panic; you’re not slumming.
8:02 a.m. Realize you are actually in your own bed for a change. Wake stranger next to you and tell them you are late for work so won’t be able to cook breakfast for them. Mutter “sorry” as you help him look for his far-flung underwear. You find out that you tore his boxers while ripping them off him last night, so you “loan” him a pair of boxer-briefs, but not the new ones because you never intend to see him again.
8:05 a.m. Tell the stranger, whose name eludes you, “It was fun. I’ll give you a call,” as you usher him out the door, avoiding his egregious morning-breath.
8:06 a.m. Crumple and dispose of the piece of paper with his telephone number on it when you get to the kitchen.
8:07 a.m. Make a high protein breakfast while watching the Today show. Wonder if the stories you’ve heard about Matt Lauer are true. Decide they must be.
8:30 a.m. Italian or domestic? Decide to go with three-button Italian and the only shirt that is clean.
8:45 a.m. Climb into red Z4 and try not to look too much like Barbie driving one of her accessories as you pull out of your underground parking. Revos or Armanis? Go with Revos.
9:35 a.m. Stroll into office.
9:36 a.m. Close door to office and call best friend and laugh about the guy who spent the night at your condo. Point out something annoying about best friend’s boyfriend but quickly add “It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks, just as long as you love him.”
10:15 a.m. Leave office, telling your secretary you are “meeting with a client.” Pretend not to notice her insubordinate roll of her eyes (or the cloying “poem” she has tacked to her cubicle wall).
10:30 a.m. Hair appointment for lowlights and cut. Purchase of Aveda anti-humectant pomade.
11:30 a.m. Run into personal trainer at gym. Pester him about getting you Human Growth Hormone. Spend 30 minutes talking to friends on your cell phone while using Hammer Strength machines, preparing a mental-matrix of which circuit parties everyone is going to and which are now passe.
12:00pm Tan. Schedule back-waxing in time for Saturday party where you know you will end up shirtless.
12:30 p.m. Pay trainer for anabolic steroids and schedule a workout. Shower, taking ten minutes to knot your tie while you check-out your best friend’s boyfriend undress with the calculation of someone used to wearing a t-back and having dollars stuffed in their crotch.
1:00 p.m. Meet someone for whom you only know his waist, chest and penis size from AOL M4M chat for lunch at a hot, new restaurant. Because the maître d’ recognizes you from a gay bar, you are whisked past the Christian heterosexual couples who have been waiting patiently for a table since 12:30.
2:30 p.m. “Dessert at your place.” Find out, once again, people lie on AOL.
3:33 p.m. Assume complete control of the U.S., state, and local governments (in addition to other nations’ governments); destroy all healthy Christian marriages; recruit all children grades Kindergarten through 12 into your amoral, filthy lifestyle; secure complete control of the media, starting with sitcoms; molest innocent children; give AIDS to as many people as you can; host a pornographic “art” exhibit at your local art museum; and turn people away from Jesus, causing them to burn forever in Hell.
4:10 p.m. Time permitting, bring about the general decline of Western Civilization and look like you are having way too much fun doing it.
4:30 p.m. Take a disco-nap to prevent facial wrinkles from the stress of world conquest and being so terribly witty.
6:00 p.m. Open a fabulous new bottle of Malbec.
6:47 P.M. Bake Ketamine for weekend. Test recipe.
7:00 P.M. Go to Abercrombie & Fitch and announce in a loud voice, “Over!”
7:40 P.M. Stop looking at the photographic displays at Abercrombie & Fitch and go to a cool store to begin shopping.
8:30 p.m. Light dinner with catty homosexual friends at a restaurant you will be “over” by the time it gets its first review in the local paper.
10:30 p.m. Cocktails at a debauched gay bar, trying to avoid alcoholic queens who can’t navigate a crowd with a lit cigarette in one hand and a Stoli in a cheap plastic cup in the other. Make audible remark about how “trashy” people who still think smoking is acceptable are.
12:00 a.m. “Nightcap at your place.” Find out that people lie in bars, too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It has always half amused/half pissed me off when ignorant, bigoted people try to make gay people out to be intentionally ‘destroying marriage’ or that they somehow are causing the downfall of civilization… to whit: This Catholic Bishop asshole. bonus senza deposito pokerstrp pokergiochi gratuiti pokergioca poker onlinepoker game online gratispoker gioco pcdownload giochisiti poker on linedownload poker gratuitohow to play poker,play poker,poker play moneypoker compoker per pcomaha hightornei di pokercasino on line senza depositovideo poker strategygioco roulette da scaricare gratis,gioco roulette gratis,roulette gratisroulette systemvirtual casinomigliori bonus casinobwin casinocasino’ on linecasino online in italiacasino poker gratisswiss casino onlinetrucchi casino on linegioco keno gratis in lineabaccarat gratiscasino en ligneplay baccaratpc game casinoplay baccarat onlineslot casinoslots on linetrucchi casino onlinedei casino onlinekeno in lineagiocare alla roulettemetodi per roulettegiochi baccaratvideo poker,video poker freeware,i video pokerrussian roulettecasino online sicuricasino online mobileplay free baccaratmetodi per vincere alla roulettecasino on line americanmacchinette video pokercasino online in italianogiochi jack black
|
Its late at night, but not yet morning, and i sit in the greasy spoon, staring into my weak, caramel-colored coffee. The last year and 2 months of my life (all of 2007 and the months of this year) play in my head like a grainy, out-of-focus newsreel from a boring, forgotten time that could be anywhere from between WWII and Vietnam.
I’m a skeptic. A realist. I know that i’m going to be the one to eventually wash the glass that people like to argue the fullness of. I understand the ultimate, objective meaninglessness of the Universe. I understand that all things are relative. Subjective, even. Life, death, happiness and pain. I’m a lonely man. I spend a lot of time in my head… because that is only place where anything has any meaning.
Even though i understand the void of objective meaning of existence, i fully endorse the subjective meaning applied to existence by sentient beings. Humans MAKE things important. Gold is just a soft rock. Pretty useless, really. Same with diamonds. We, humans, APPLY value to those things. Just like we do with love, morals, beauty and the entire gamut of experience and sensation.
Some people take this subjective meaning, inflate it to ridiculous and embarrassing proportions, and then CALL it objective. They’ve taken their temporary, circumstantial, ignorant, short-sighted and completely subjective meanings and have become so lost in them that they are now mental prisoners in their own delusion.
Whether is ‘God’, their own importance, or whatever… they’ve lost the distinction between reality and what they WANT reality to be. This, of course, can be a curse, a blessing, a prison or even a goal, depending on who you ask. For someone like me, a truth-seeker, a skeptic, a rational, thinking human being, it only creates a deadly mental chasm.
As i said, I approve of creating and applying meaning to a meaningless universe. For example, i place a great deal of meaning and importance on ‘honesty’, ‘not harming others’, ‘wit’, ‘humor’ and ‘love’. These concepts have a profound effect on the way i choose to conduct myself during this all-too finite existence. They shape my behavior, my philosophy, my thoughts and my emotions.
Now, here is the rub: at what point do those applied meanings become delusional?
Think about that. Is a created meaning legitimate at ALL? Could ANY such created meaning be considered delusional? After all, it is the belief that what you think is true IS true. Gold is valuable. Is that a TRUTH… or is it merely a shared delusion that we have spread amongst most humans? Its certainly not an attribute of the substance itself. Gold is merely a bunch of atoms arranged in a particular pattern and quantity. There’s nothing else to it, really. But, to say “gold is valuable” is not a lie, either, is it? Because humans HAVE applied value to it. Therefore, applied meanings DO have legitimacy. BUT, its only true to those that believe it (the ones that share the delusion of reality). So, its not an objective truth… Surely, you can see my conundrum.
I kept staring into my swiftly cooling coffee. This pains me, because all of the things that i apply meaning to, i lack. I’m very alone, people seem to think that i’m dishonest, arrogant or just plain mean. No one cares about what i think on any given topic and my feelings about anything effect noone. I could simply cease to exist, and there would be not a ripple. I think this is true for basically everyone, but i do not have the cushion of frivolous distraction, self-importance or delusion about a deity in order to soften the blow of such revelations.
I know that i COULD apply meaning to the more mundane and trite aspects of the circumstantial life i have. I could be like the people i see who talk about sports. Or clothes. Or celebrities. Or some specific bit of popular culture. Or their own lives that always seem to be spent at parties, surrounded by beautiful, young, smiling and quite vapid people… all of which who are also trying to fill the void in time between conception and death with pleasurable distraction.
I learned long ago that was not my path. It never COULD be. I am simply incapable of just… ‘letting go’ of the realization of truth of this meaningless reality. This is not to say that i am immune to happiness, hope or contentment. I have experienced all three in my life, all without the twinge of guilt or the hearing the voice in the back of my mind who coughs politely and says, “dude… you and i both know that this isn’t real.” I HAVE felt real, earned and legitimate happiness.
What bothers me about what makes me happy is that it so far outside of my own control. This depresses me and angers me, in turns. I can’t help but chastise myself, “how dare you let fulfillment be out of your own control! This is your one shot at life… and to let happiness be up to mere chance or circumstance is just stupid! You KNOW better! You should be stronger than this! Get out there and REND happiness from the world!”
This, unfortunately, does not work in practice. I can’t force myself to meet someone special. I can’t force that to happen, for instance. Some things in life you simply cannot force; they just have to happen on their own accord. I have to admit that some things are frankly outside my realm of influence. No matter what i do, there are times when i cannot affect the outcome of a situation. She will leave. People will misunderstand. The object will fall and break. The important thing, so i am told, is how one deals with the outcomes.
I find no meaning in my job. It is a good job. An interesting, challenging job. I work with intelligent, dedicated and helpful people. But the job itself in no way fulfills my requirements for ‘meaning’. It is merely what i do for money. I find a bit more meaning in college, but only because i truly, deeply enjoy learning. American History pre-1865? Hell yes, i’m there. I’ve never known a lot about that time period and now i am learning something new all the time. Systems Design and Analysis? A tad dry, but still fascinating from a logical and technical standpoint. Plus, i actually utilize many of the concepts every day at work. Even though i find some pleasure in the individual classes, i can’t help but question the validity of my entire college career. So what if i have a Certificate? So what if i have a 2 or 4 year degree? At this, and any other realistic and foreseeable, rate, i won’t be finished with school for years, which will be well into my 30’s.
And what of the mean time? I’m 29 years old. No friends. No family. No significant other. No importance to the world beyond my own mind. Nothing at all to tie me to this world but myself. And is that enough? I’m certainly not self-centered or arrogant enough to think so.
My coffee is stone cold and the waitresses continue their static-y, droning small talk amongst themselves. I need to go home. I have work in the morning, an exam to study for and a paper to write.
So, to recap:
Reality: There is no universal, objective meaning to existence.
Me: Cool, i can handle that. Therefore, i’ll just make my OWN meaning for my life.
Reality: Whoa, hold on there, bucko. How do you know if your meaning is legitimate (even by your OWN standards?) and not a pathetic delusion such as the kind you fight so hard against?
Me: Well, i know what makes me happy, so i’ll just focus my life on THOSE things. Ya know, good stuff, like honesty, the search for truth and love.
Reality: Okay, sure, you can do that, but no one cares what you have to say or what you think, so there’s no point in being honest or in searching for the truth. Plus, no one, at least for the first 29 years of your life, will accept your love or love you, as a person, back. So, basically, the things you have deemed meaningful are actually meaning-less.
Me: Well, shit. Okay, fine then… should i just try to be like everyone else and insulate myself with insipid distractions and try to prop such things up as being meaningful? I mean, hell, some people can revolve their entire lives around a TV show, for Pete’s sake. Should i do something like that?
Reality: Well, you can try… but your mind doesn’t work that way. You’re exceedingly bad at lying to yourself. You’ll just feel foolish the entire time you try to live in a way that you know, deep down, is a lie.
Me: Well. Fuck. So, should i just end this useless existence? I mean, if all i’m gonna get out of life is empty longing, heartache, loneliness and a deep sense of being ineffectual and unnecessary, why should i put myself through that? To prolong that sort of suffering is just plain immoral. And, dammit, i still have my morals.
Reality: ah… but you never know.
Me: What do you mean by that?
Reality: oh… nothing. Its just that you never know what life could bring next year. Or next week. Or tomorrow. Or in a second. Just like with coin flips, all of the previous outcomes of chance have absolutely nothing to do with current or future outcomes.
Me: So… you’re saying there’s a CHANCE i could find what i want?
Reality: maybe. Or, you could get cancer and die a horrible painful death. Or get hit by a bus. Or come into a large sum of money. Or finally meet the woman of your dreams. Or finally have your imagination and creativity recognized and rewarded. Or, ya know, not.
Me: so, you’re saying that the only way to see what happens next, which could be bad or good, is to stick around and possibly suffer more? Well, i guess that makes sense. I mean, if i’m dead, there’s NO chance for change. At least if i’m alive, there’s the possibility of something good happening to me, right?
Reality: wellll… there coooould be an afterlife, no matter how little sense that makes. You never know. Have you ever seen What Dreams May Come? It had Robin Williams in it.
Me: you’re a real bitch, you know that?
What the hell was in that coffee?
|
|| 4 Comments »
